She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
