So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
