You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
