I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
