He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
