I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
