the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
