I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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