I am puke
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
