Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
