I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
