How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
