dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
