I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
