highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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