I am puke
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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