I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
