My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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