so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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