in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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