mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
