I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
