she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
