shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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