dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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