He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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