I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
