so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
