Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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