i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
