When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
