my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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