The maid of honor just puked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
