when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
