i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
