Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
