she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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