mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
