4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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