My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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