I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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