Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
