Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
