Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You pole danced in your parka.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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