First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
