I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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