your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
