Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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