remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
