As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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